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| Do not be like the wind tossed to and fro...
There's a difference between believing and merely thinking you believe. The difference? Action. Lifestyle. Change. Growth. If one really believed what one says one believes, one would act upon it and not merely think about it. Faith without deeds is dead. What matters is faith expressing itself through love. In the past couple of months, I've stumbled across people tossed to and fro by the wind, people who call themselves 'Christians', people who've tasted and seen that the Lord is good, or so it seemed, and yet have allowed the thorns of life to swallow them up, or perhaps have willingly given into the fleeting pleasures of this temporary place. It's a sad reality and I can only bow my head in humility and plead that God soften their hearts as only He can do. My heart grieves for the lost, but even more for the once-found-now-lost-again. What more is there than Christ? Nothing more. What greater meaning can one find in life apart from Christ? None. Every effort to find greatness and purpose beyond that which God has so freely given to us is a search of futility. I only pray God would jolt the hearts of His complacent, His wanderers, and that they would choose His righteousness once again. Let not the Enemy rob you of the life God purposed for you to live; not trouble or heartache-free, but Christ-filled and eternal. The world is dying...don't die along with it.
So far, my journey through the world of teenagers has taught me alot about myself. I'm too nice. Haha, just kidding. Well, nicer than mean for sure. I'm pretty reasonable and try to empathize with all the smack I'm given (although I do give them the benefit of the doubt, most of the time ;p) like "My boyfriend broke up with me so I couldn't finish my poetry assignment because it was about him" or "My printer couldn't print my homework for some reason" or "I had a dentist appointment" (you'd be surprised how many students give this excuse with no doctor's note when I ask for one) yadayada. However, I think my patience is running thin. Teenagers are creative, that's for sure. But some are just plain slackers and have no excuse: "I was really tired this week; my sleeping pattern has been all messed up for some reason that's why I couldn't come to class." I've already had to give my "When you get older/go to college/get a job your excuses won't cut it" a couple of times cuz some kids just don't get it. And they're GRADE 11s! Mann, it seems the maturity level is lessening every year. Don't get me wrong, out of the 60 students that I currently have (90 after Spring Break) only about 6 have issues I have to deal with EVERYDAY. Everyone else is an angel. To say the least (although much has happened since the beginning of my practicum) the teaching part is fun, but the planning isn't. I think I lost like 6 pounds just from stress!!! And it's apparently only going to get worst when I take on my 3rd class in 6 days. I covet your prayers...and will need them badly!
Please continue to pray for my cousin John. Some of you have probably heard and some may not have. About five weeks ago he was found unconscious in a bush near some townhouses here in Surrey. His head was covered in blood after being hit repeatedly probably with a hard object. Some people who lived in the neighborhood found his body in the morning and called the police. He was rushed to the hospital and is still there to this day. Although he has progressed since that initial day, please continue to pray for a miracle healing from the Lord. He has woken up from the coma he was in but is not externally conscious of people around him. As well, he is unable to move the right side of his body. Although he cannot respond verbally, I know that he can hear us. Please, please remember him in your prayers. I know that our God who healed the sick, who made the lame walk again, who made the blind see, who raised the dead back to life, has the power to heal John and bring him back to full consciousness. Please pray for His will and ask that He be willing because we know that He is more than able. Please also pray that God would expose those who were involved in this violent assault so that justice might be done. | | |
| At the foot
Two days left...actually, a little less! For the past week, I've been standing at the foot of the next mountain I have to climb. It's looming over me like a giant and for the longest time I've been lost in its shadow. This past week has rolled over me like a tumultuous wave...of ambivalence: I love it and hate it; I'm okay and I'm not; I'm calm and I'm nervous; It'll be fine and what if it's not? There are so many what ifs in this game, and I'll never really know until I experience it. I've been bracing myself for the best and the worst, but I think I haven't thought through enough what I will do if it's the worst I have to face. How do I deal with a student who's consistently late? Or one who talks back to me? Or one with learning disabilities (I know I have two in my class!)? Or a group assignment that flounders? There are sooooo many "what ifs" that I've thought about, and think about daily, that sometimes I just want to give up, drop out of practicum, hide under a blanket and cry my sorrows of incompetency away. To put it plainly, I'm scared. It's scary being in the position that I am. And come Monday morning, I'll probably be shaking like a nervous wreck.
Like a shipwreck, I lie helpless on His shore. After forty days at sea, crashing wildly onto delirously senseless waves, I wind up here: barely alive but still breathing, on a firm land that has caught me before the sea's engulf. He has found me yet again.
God is my stronghold and my salvation; a refuge in times of fear. I know that I have been giving in to human nature's tendeny to fear the unknown, to be anxious, to find security in one's own strength, to "hope for the best." I know that it's not going to be easy or effortless. But our experiences in life aren't. Human nature's tendencies are less than comforting, less than assuring, less than secure. I know because I've tried them all out and where have they got me? Here, again. A shipwreck on His shore. It's a lesson I re-learn time and again. But I thank God because he has reminded me of His strength in my weakness; he has caught me in His embrace just in the nick of time.
And come Monday morning, I'll probably be shaking like a nervous wreck, but my spirit will be calm because I know that the opportunity I've been given has come from God alone and that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
 Currently Reading:
Words Fail Me by Teresa Monachino
A witty and amusing collection of inconsistencies and nonsense in the English language: a handbook for clever word lovers. I bought this book recently. It was inspired by my LLED prof last semester. He comes to class one morning and starts reading aloud antigrams from this book. I was so intrigued and baffled I had to buy it. I thought it would be a good "day-starter" for my English 11 classes, just to get them thinking and less intimidated by the English language (with its ironies, inconsistences and bizarreness 'n all). In case you're curious, here is some of the book's content:
Why is abbreviation such a long word? Why does monosyllabic have five syllables? Sesquipedalian means the overuse of long words. Why is it that a man with hair on his head has more hair than a man with hairs on his head? Pleonasties refers to tautological redundancies: the use of more words than are necessary for the expression of an idea. A pleonasm usually consists of two words, one of which is redundant. Why use two words when one will do? unexpected surprise. frozen ice.
And my favorite: antigrams! Antigrams occur when the letters in a word are rearranged to give a new word or phrase that directly opposes or contradicts the words from which it derives. I'll only post a couple and I'll give you the answers in my next blog. For now, try to figure out what the opposing word is when the letters in the following words are rearranged: funeral, restful, diplomacy, honestly.
Let me know what you think they are! | | |
| Frequent blogging wasn't a number on my New Year's resolutions list so that's why I haven't been here for a while. Alas I must admit, there have been other more pressing and important things in my life than the urge to write a blog of interest, inspiration, redundancy, or routine. I can't be sure that anyone really cares about what I write, think, or feel unless, of course, you ask. And you don't. But then again, you do. Perhaps not verbally but mentally so. If you didn't, you wouldn't be here, reading these words, following these letters with the logic needed to comprehend the meaning of this very sentence. If you do care you'll read on, regardless of whatever I choose to write about. Either way, I won't know...or will I? Anyway, I'm writing because although I could be sleeping I'm not and although I'm awake, there's no sense in starting something I won't be able to finish and no sense in trying to finish something I've started. That something is lesson planning. Let's call it "LP" for short. LP has taken over my life. I dream about, wake up to, breathe in, and daydream about LP. Basically, LP has taken over what is left of my life next to school. School, if I might add, that has been crammed into 4 weeks and 5000 pages of text to digest and spit out onto the examination table. Sometimes, I really loathe school. My practicum starts in less than 2 weeks. TWO WEEKS!!! I keep telling myself that it will be okay but what do I know??? I could be setting myself up for disaster and not even know it! All this time, I could be under the false impression that I really know what I'm doing and what I'm talking about, but as soon as I see all those cunning expressions of deviance, all knowledge, skill, and ability will forsake me! I'm probably exaggerating...but.Am I ready for all of this? God, please help me to be ready. I'm holding my breath until the first, and maybe second, week of 2nd semester passes. Just as I'm a fan of first impressions, I know I will have to hold down my own. I've been praying for my future students, whoever they may be. Although there's a part of me that's worried about classroom management and initially being labelled as "nice", "friendly", "strict", etc., the bigger part of me is at peace knowing that God's grace is sufficient in every situation and circumstance that I will find myself in. I know that whatever the "make-up" of my classes, they will be God's will for me. I know that I'm probably going to learn more about myself than my students will learn from me; that's a good thing. If I fail this practicum, at least I will benefit from that. "Deedee, you're such a pessimist!" Oh, if you only knew. There goes my fear again. Argh. I hate it! I need peace. God's peace. I was talking to my Dad today and he reminded me of what's important: God can (and will) use me to make a difference. That's why I wanted to be a teacher in the first place; that's what really matters. I need to focus on what matters, not on what I can do with the strength of my fingers. Hard work matters. LP matters. Wanting to be a great teacher matters. Learning matters.
But so do the students. So does faith. So does Christ in me. | | |
| C-town in t-14 Hours
 I know, we're leaving kinda late tonite. We'll get to Calgary at midnight. We had to cuz it was cheaper! There was a storm forecasted for today, but thankfully it passed us here in the lower mainland. I hear the Island's being hit pretty bad though. I was thinking that our flight might be delayed because of it, but it doesn't look like the weather will be getting worse. Praise the Lord! I'm so excited to leave; I need a vacation.
My brain has been spinning the past couple of days. I've been trying to do some unit planning for my practicum, which commences on January 29th! SO SOON! It's much more challenging than I thought it would be. On Tuesday, I went to Fleetwood Park Secondary (where I will be doing my practicum) to touch base with my sponsor teachers and to do some photocopying of materials. I'm very fortunate to have two great teachers as mentors and preceptors. If I feel intimidated, it's not cuz of them but me. They're totally easygoing, laidback, and easy to talk to. Both of them are pretty young, early thirties. They've been teaching for about the same amount of time, seven or eight years. It's funny cuz, although teaching-wise, I think I relate more to Mr. Metz, I see a mixture of myself in both of their teaching style (probably depending on how I feel on a particular day). Mr. Metz is more traditional when it comes to materials. He likes to use classic texts like Inside Stories and Tigers of the Snow. His lectures are engaging and he likes to come up with his own questions and assignments for a particular story, poem, etc. Ms. Grant, on the other hand, likes to teach out of the book. There are new texts in circulation that have everything in them: poetry, short stories, essays, media, etc. PLUS study questions, essay questions, extended project ideas, etc. She pretty much just tells the students what to read and which questions to answer. Now, I don't know what students prefer. I know that as a to-be teacher, I want to engage my students in such a way that they don't just do the work to get the grade. So much motivation comes from the desire to get a good grade rather than to learn for the sake of learning in order to gain more knowledge about themselves and the world at large. I hope not to teach to what they prefer, but to what will challenge their thinking. Sometimes, it seems like such a feat, especially with the way we are conditioned to think about and approach school (ie. it's all about the grades), and the school system itself shares part of that blame. But I hope to help change some of those misconceptions. Nothing is impossible with the Lord. Please pray that I'll get my head together soon! But, after my vacation...:)
 
Pics above are from the Youth Christmas party at my house (Dec. 15) and SRCC Christmas Gala (Dec. 16).
So my plan for today is to finish Christmas shopping. I FINALLY have the car to drive around in. Dale's mom picked him up this morning to carpool to work so that I could have the car for the day. Yay! On Tuesday, I had to walk home from the school cuz buses didn't run until 3:30 and I had finished at noon. It took me an hour to get home in drizzling rain and loafers I hadn't worn in a while. Consequently, I got a huge blister on my left pinky toe, which is protruding at this moment. I can barely walk properly, especially in shoes. I have a bandaid over it, but it hurts like heck! :(
Well, I shall get an early start to my day. I can't wait to leave!!! Before I go, if you can just say a little prayer for my mom. She had surgery on one eye yesterday (for her cataracts), and she has surgery again on Friday for her other eye. Pray that the operation will go well and that she will recover quickly. Thanks!
If I don't blog again before Christmas:
Merry Christmas to you!
I pray that the joy of Christ in you will fill your heart as you are reminded of God's great love for you. | | |
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